You’re restless about finding novel ways to fine-tune your craft as a recruiter. You’re subscribed to well-known blogs, got your ticket to SourceCon and made it a goal to attend networking events once a quarter.

You’re a Learner 4 Lyfe.

But what if I told you there was a ridiculously simple strategy on how to take your empathy game to that next level?

After all, we all know how closely tied showing genuine empathy is with gaining the trust of our candidates is right?

The good news is that you’ve already utilized this strategy at least once and quite possibly several times since you started working.

The strategy?

Go explore new opportunities yourself.

Allow me to explain more.

During my own job search these past 3 months I had an opportunity to be on the other side. It’s fascinating how there’s almost this invisible layer between our day-to-day, task-driven world and theirs, where it’s not just another event, not just another metric but a truly life-changing event for them and their families.

If the definition of empathy is to have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, I wonder if we’re doing enough to intentionally put ourselves in their shoes, then enter into this layer again and again. No one wants to work with a transactional robot who they can’t trust, be vulnerable to and ultimately share their sincere feelings about the opportunity, the compensation, their fears, etc with.

Here are some refreshing observations that I had in my own search, like a professional painter restoring an old black and white image from 1965 that I hope can help us all become more empathetic and more influential recruiters.

Finding A New Job Is Frickin’ Exhausting

Emotionally, mentally, physically, everything.

Coupled along with the demands of the daytime job, family and other social obligations it can definitely add up.

What I found most exhausting wasn’t the interview day itself. That was actually probably one of the best parts of this whole process in getting to meet some incredibly bright and kind people, getting a deeper insight into the product and getting a taste of what each company’s culture is like within their office walls.

What was exhausting, however, was the mental and emotional rollercoaster that took place in weighing the pros and cons of each opportunity. It was the long commutes home, the dinnertime conversations with my wife, the immovable block of anxiety that said hello in the morning and sleep tight at night. It was the constant whispers of What Ifs. What if you made a wrong decision? What if you missed out on an opportunity because you didn’t speak with that recruiter?

For me, maybe it was experiencing a mini mid-quarter crisis that magnified the implications of a decision. Yes, you’ve got your career somewhat established but guess what, you still have another 30–40 years to go…better make the right one because it’s certainly going to affect your future forever!

My point is this — there’s a ton of noise.

One of my old bosses emphasized the importance of playing the role of a consultant. Help your candidates get to the Why and focus less on the What’s. Help them connect the dots between what their important factors are and what your company’s unique selling proposition is.

Even better yet? Listen to understand and empower them to sort out what’s truth from noise.

It might not seem like you’re doing much by just actively listening but things add up.

The Why’s Might Not Be Clear At First

“So, why are you looking to leave?”

Do you want the quick answer or the philosophical, your-putting-me-to-sleep answer?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve developed a superpower at over-rationalizing things. My brain just loves running mental laps which often times leads to nowhere. I had pages full of notes, T-graphs and other weird tables trying to dissect what was truly important vs things that were secondary. Everything was important!

What was interesting was seeing how my criteria changed as I progressed through the process.

Startups seemed to make the most sense for where I am career-wise. More breadth, more opportunities to own things, bigger impact, etc etc. But as those conversations evolved and the Holidays approached, I began to feel a tiny tug asking if the risk associated with an early stage startup was what we needed in our lives right now.

Those questions led to more questions.

Well, how important is stability compared to an amazing product? What about work-life balance, the commute, the roles I’d be recruiting for, my manager, the culture, the trajectory of the company?? The list goes on.

3 months of this! I guess there’s a reason why the ‘average time to fill’ is roughly around the same time at 43 days on average (not including the Holidays like mine did).

It’s the recruiter’s job to keep a pulse on this ever-changing criteria and if you can check in and not sound like a naggy mother, more bonus points for you! Bring something valuable to the table and see how you can reframe your companies’ position to what that criterion is.

No criteria, no game.

The Entire Candidate Experience Matters.

The recruiting process contains a lot of steps. And each step, from the first email to the candidate’s first day should ideally build on itself in greater momentum.

Envision an Olympic ski jumper that’s shooting down this giant hill that encounters a little bump right as they’re launching. Whoooosh. Undoubtedly they’ll still fly far as the eye can see but the tiniest friction can make just the tiniest difference in where they land.

It’s an ultra-competitive landscape for top tech talent and though candidates may never rely solely on how they were treated in the process in their decision-making process, I will say it can be one of the factors that go into consideration. After all, experiences are meant to make us feel and whether that goes great or not, feelings can be harder to forget then facts.

I will never forget how I was treated during one of the happy hours I was invited to. It was such a personalized experience getting escorted from the lobby to the room full of recruiters then directly to the hiring manager who remembered me weeks later. (Not to mention the coffee mug I got to take home as well!)

I will never forget how practical and informative the pre-onsite prep a recruiter gave me. It made a difference in the confidence (and swagger) I brought with me to the onsite which I think, helped led to an offer.

But I will also never forget the confusing phone call I had with my other recruiter who mismatched the office location, one of the more important factors I had in my search. (Let alone, the blame that was directed to me for not clarifying earlier).

Maybe the great Maya Angelou quoted it best,

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Treat every step with great care. Even the tiniest things like being responsive, being mindful of our tone and even just smiling more can make a difference.

Every wee bit helps.

Stroke Thy Ego

I love this from study from Talent Trends that breaks down the percentage of active vs passive candidates in the market.

Though it may be just slightly outdated I would think today’s numbers to be not too far off.

Companies understand how important it is to retain talent and have upped their game considerably in putting together the right diversity, wellness and community-focused programs which adds the pressure on recruiting to prioritize passive candidates.

Passive candidates know their hot commodity and have every reason to play the role of Hard To Get. After all, it’s a candidate driven market in all things tech from engineering, design and recruiting so it should and will take a bit more effort to moving them from the initial outreach till the close.

In my exploratory chats, I was explicitly clear that I wasn’t actively looking and not in any rushed timeline to leave. I was very content with my current situation but would be curious to learn more. Even when I had offers on the table, I was adamant that I wasn’t taking this decision lightly and will do what’s best for my family and I — even if that means staying at my current company.

Passive.

So work with them, be patient with them but apply the pressure that you need if you do get a sense that the candidate is leaning in and just needs a little nudge. But don’t nudge too soon or else they’ll fall.

Dance with em’.

Take a look at this beautiful dance called Zouk that illustrates my point a little better:

(If you’re interested…Drop In Classes — Thursdays @ 9pm)

Get The Full Picture

Question — can someone be considered an authentic Star Wars geek if they’ve only watched The Last Jedi and not the previous 7 episodes before it?

No way.

Similarly, how can we really understand our candidates if we don’t take time to see the bigger picture behind their story? There’s a story that we can learn from a candidate’s past decisions. Why did they join Company X? What about the company before it? What factors were you using 2–3 years ago to decide on new opportunities? How has that influenced your criteria today as you search for your next opportunity?

For me, joining a startup and experiencing all the ups and downs that come with it has absolutely influenced my next career move. Being a newly married man also did too and I would think it is the same case for anyone else in serious relationships, have kids, or has others to care for who all contribute in some shape or form, (some bigger than others) to the ultimate decision that is made.

Woah Woah, that’s getting personal and I don’t want to offend anyone if I get too deep…

Well, the reality is you’re intruding anyway. You, the recruiter have already played a big part in someone’s life so ride the wave out and don’t forget to be human about it.

Don’t shortcut the personal stuff.

If it’s important to the candidate it should be important to you as well.

Let’s Wrap It Up

Where does this leave us? Does this mean you should start exploring so that you can make sense of what your candidates are feeling? Please don’t…your manager is going to throw their pitchfork at me.

Start looking if it makes sense with your situation. And while you’re at it, just be mindful of how you’re feeling about everything. You can refer back to this post if it inspired you and see if what your experiencing is similar/different then mine.

If you’re in that 15% bucket of Completely Satisfied — awesome! Take a look at your own circles to see if there’s someone that you could a counseling ear to. I’m sure you’ll learn something new by just being in their chaotic but life-changing world of the job hunt.

Hope this helps.

Sound off below if you’ve got some feedback! Love to have a conversation.

AL